Nisha’s Blog - Archived Copy

I have to keep myself off the blog until I finish my writing assignment.
But I can’t stop thinking of Lorene who had to go up north because her incredibly active father slipped on the tennis court and hit his head.
How can our parents be so fragile? After all we put them through - can’t they sustain any injury? A lifetime of inoculations by rowdy adventurous kids and something so innocent as a slip can turn your world upside down.
I was with my mom in the Himalaya Mountains. I begged her to take me to visit all the devi mandirs that we could visit. Years before we had made a journey to Vaishno devi and it’s said that whatever you wish there comes true. And when your wish comes true - you have to return to thank the goddess.
We couldn’t make it back to Vaishno devi because it was closed for snow. That and we were in the north near her village. So instead, I thought it would be the equivalent to visit seven devi mandirs and thank the goddess.
We were near dharamshala and it was raining hard. We tried to see the dalai lama’s temple and chumunda devi temple in one day. As we walked across the wet marble floor, barefoot - my mom was ten yards ahead of me when I saw her fall. The breathe ran out of me and I froze.
She hit the hard marble, and rolled. Rolled to the right, rolled back and grabbed a metal bar to stand again. Because of her recent foray into yoga - she rolled. When she stood, there was nothing but a small bruise on her hip.
But I was already crying. Too freaked out about what could have happened. As she moved ahead of me to the altar - - I put my head to the marble floor and asked Mataji to protect my mother. to keep her healthy and happy for as long as she wanted to be on this earth. I don’t know when we swapped places worrying about each other. It was so subtle a turn. But I put my head to the carpet and ask for your father today Lorene. I’m sure she can hear me from Santa Monica. She is a goddess after all.

My friend Julio tried to kill me by taking me to his Bikram yoga class. What the fuck was I thinking when I went to that studio on La Cienega? I hate the heat. I never choose “sun” over “shade”. The arrival of summer depresses me. I have never ‘laid out’ in my life. And here I was, willingly throwing myself into a closed room that had no windows and heat actually pumping out of the vents to keep the 120 degree temperature constant. To make me feel worse, ‘hot yoga’ classes are like an excuse for people who love their bodies to show them off as much as possible. Speedos were the order of the day. Black speedos and nothing else. The only thing worse that I can think of is black speedos and little black socks pulled up to just below the knee with white tennis shoes. Or no speedo and naked bikram would rank on the list as well. But the black speedo and the wireless microphone attached to the ear is a pretty special look unto itself.

After we got in there - Julio admitted to me that it was a 90 minute class. And then he said that my only goal for the day was to stay in the room. How hard can it be to stay in the room? I’ve been in a sauna, I’ve traveled in India - I mean this staying in the room task was nothing.

After forty minutes- I felt like I was beating my head against a hot metal plate in the desert at noon. I had heard that some people threw up in class and that others passed out. It’s interesting because you find yourself going through the entire range of emotions. Mostly you’re thinking “What the fuck am I doing in here?” And then you get angry — at yourself, at the teacher, at your stupid friend, at Bikram himself. I realized that there was another hour left in this room and I was not going to make it. The room is spinning — I’m okay with passing out in front of strangers, I’m okay with hurling in front of strangers. But when we got the to “wind expulsion series” i found my line. I am so not okay with shitting my pants in front of strangers. I’m not sure how I feel about shitting my pants in private — So I walked towards the door to get the fuck out of there. Unfortunately I moved about as fast as my grandmother and that was with all my effort. My calves were sweating. My sweat was sweating.
I finally made it to the door, opened it, stepped into the cool breeze of the hallway - and then promptly laid down on the floor next to the trash can. Thinking: ” I failed.”

After the fifth person had to step over me to get down the hall, I crawled into the locker room and laid on the cool tile. I didn’t care how many nasty sweaty feet had walked across that tile - just that it was cold now and life was so much better. After twenty minutes the room stopped spinning and I sat up. Walked to the door of the yoga class and wondered if I was going to go back in and finish. It’s not like me to quit something half way through it… but I didn’t feel in the yoga spirit and I questioned the yoga spirit of feeling like a failure. I mean, isn’t the whole point of yoga that you go as far as you can? That you do the best you can and learn to be a ‘benevolent observer of yourself”? What kind of fucked up yoga would make you feel like a failure? I read the articles hanging in the hall and all the people who swear by their experiences at the studio. I find myself in LA thinking “who are these people?” a lot. A lot more than I found myself thinking that in NYC. For some reason, everyone in NYC makes sense. But in LA - I just can’t get in the groove yet - it all seems a bit off to me still. i wonder if everyone feels this way here… Anyway I decided to finish the class. And then never, ever come back again.

I’ve closed off the ability to comment on the BLOG from this entry forward.
If you want to say something, anything - even anonymously - email to me at
MataFilms@aol.com and just put BLOG in the subject line.
Thanks for your time.
Nisha

From many guest book entries - I gather that we’ve been cross referenced with some site that supplies surrogate mothers. It’s so fascinating to read the posts that I have yet to ask our web master to take them down. It does concern me that a guestbook for a fiction film seems an appropriate place to some for posting a want ad for surrogate mothers. Then I thought about it and figured - maybe we should have info on the topic on our site. I thought some more and realized - I am far far far far far from being an expert on this topic. But when Shawna wrote and asked for Info on baby adoption… I thought - okay let’s put some resources up. Mindy - the friend I trust most for this kind of research - came up with the following places to get more info. I hope it helps… Enjoy:

Parenting info from PlanetOut:

http://www.planetout.com/families/parenting/

Parenting info from Gay.com: http://www.gay.com/families/parenting/

Family Pride has some good booklets:

http://www.familypride.org/education/creating_family.php

Family/parenting info from HRC :

http://www.hrc.org/Template.cfm?Section=Parenting&Template=/TaggedPage/TaggedPageDisplay.cfm&TPLID=26&ContentID=17907

Okay - so I’ve been pretty awful at keeping up on the BLOG… but for good reason. I just got back from LA where I played a small part in the new Margaret Cho movie. Lorene Machado is directing Margaret’s first ficitional feature film. Starring the lovely and talented Bruce Daniels and the adorable Alan Cumming. Matt Clark who was the DP on Cosmopolitan is shooting Bam Bam and Celeste (the name of the movie) and he and Lorene are doing an amazing job. The film looks great, the crew is super fast and friendly, the cast were all hilarious and nice… a dream set. I am, needless to say, over the moon proud of the kick ass job lorene is doing… and can’t wait for you all to see the film - because it will make you laugh your ass off.

So now I am back in Toronto - finally finishing Cake. More to come…
To keep up on Bam Bam and Celeste - check out margaretcho.com - her blog is something I can only hope to achieve.

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Hey there Nisha fans and friends,
I was lucky enough to meet Nisha last week when she screened Cosmopolitan for my class at BU. At dinner that night she got to experience firsthand the hysterical ecstasy as the Red Sox finally beat the Yankees (an experience I am sure she will not soon forget considering Bostonians don’t tend to riot everyday). So Nisha asked me to share with all of you a little bit of the insanity that surrounds the Red Sox and their appearance in the World Series. With the Sox one win away from winning their first World Series since 1918, I swear to you, the saying “you could cut the tension with a knife” has no better reality than walking around this city gazing at all the hopeful and tense faces underneath those B-stamped baseball caps. I am a transplant to this city, but coming from Chicago I know a thing or two about curses. People here have literally been waiting for this their whole lives. Some were there back in 1918 when they last won a Series, and others have never known anything but defeat. With the Yankees Evil Empire out of the way, it really seems half of the curse is already broken. Whether you like the Red Sox, or even baseball, do yourself a favor and watch the outcome of this Series. Because if the Red Sox prevail, history will be rewritten, and the city may very well burn, in which case I may move. Though don’t forget in all this baseball fever to vote, though the election seems like an afterthought in Kerry’s hometown compared to the awesome majesty of a potential Red Sox win. If the gods are favorable, Boston could win the World Series, and the free world, all in one week. Cross your fingers, do a rain dance, anything to stop Bush from winning. And sorry Nisha and all you other New Yorkers about the Yankees, but everyone needs a break from winning now and again.

Cosmopolitan and Chutney Popcorn will be screened at Boston University Tuesday the 19th and Wednesday the 20th. I’m going to be there Wed night to talk about making Cosmopolitan … so if you’re in Boston - feel free to drop in.

Okay - so Lorene kicked my ass at the x-games training site. But it’s still months away from the competition… and then we’ll see who’s sticking their landings.

We’ve begun the process of picking songs that are recognizable and awesome but not so recognizable that we can’t afford them for Cake. That means a lot of “is this depeche mode?” or “i think this is that yaz song…” conversations in the edit suite. Thank god for the cheap knock off artists… I wonder what a tour with all of them performing together would be like?

Okay it’s far too late and I must go listen to more music…
Any suggestions for great songs by little known bands that deserve to be known would be appreciated.
Thank you!

You can find Cara on the new season of Third Watch starting this fall…
in the meantime - I will always love her in: Next Stop Wonderland (very funny character), Kicking and Screaming (vintage classic cara - bronx accent and all), the Hulk (who dies more beautifully?) and The Two Ninas… And if you’re only into Cara’s performances as a hot/witty lesbian - check out her role on Miss Match a few months ago. Hope that helps!